Ravages of Spirit (17/?)

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Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me or else I wouldn't be
sitting at a computer writing about them for free!

Okay so it took me a month to get this one out. Time just kept passing
me by and my creative juices weren't flowing. Thanks as always to Sam my
best pal who's there for me when I have momentary night of wallowing in
self-pity. Thanks also to Rachel who got me hooked on Tim Bayliss,
Corrine, and Laura, who needs to send me more story now! I need
inspiration too! Thanks also to Daydreamer who encouraged me to slow
down and enjoy it. Lastly, thanks to all you guys who were patient and
supportive on getting this out!

Feedback is begged for at allieslead2truth@hotmail.com. I still love
feedback! It feeds the fuel I need to keep writing in the midst of
carrying 18 credits and 2 jobs!
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To everyone's surprise, Mulder slept through the night until eight
o'clock the next morning. He must have been truly exhausted by all the
excitement of the day before. Scully knew that she should have gotten up
and gone to work, but she wanted to talk to Mulder when he finally woke
up. Colton could wait and besides Skinner would definitely take care of
him.

Dr. Tyler hadn't been in to see Mulder yet that morning, but he had left
standing orders that a tray be brought in as soon as he woke up. They
had wanted to feed him the night before, but no one had the heart to
wake him up after the enema. Tyler had also left an urgent note for
Pratt to call him at home. Later when Pratt came in, he did just that
and got the full story of the day before.

Maggie was sitting to the side of Mulder's bed watching her daughter and
surrogate son sleep. Mulder looked peaceful. No one would ever know how
emotionally tortured he was. It made her angry to think that Bill and
Teena Mulder had abused their son so fully without even realizing it.
Teena honestly didn't seem to comprehend the depths of hurt that her son
suffered from because of her emotional detachment. She was glad that Fox
had found Dana and through Dana, found her. She would always see him as
a son. Maggie was the type of mother who took other kids in off the
street because she couldn't stand to see them out in the cold.

She glanced towards the bed when she heard a small groan. At first, she
wasn't sure if it had come from Dana or Fox, but when Dana opened her
eyes, it was obvious where the noise had originated. Scully looked over
at her mother and smiled. She was glad that her mother was here. Not
only could Mulder use the support, but she could too.

She looked down at Mulder who was still dead to the world. He seemed
like he would be okay for a couple of minutes. She had to get out this
bed. Her bladder was telling her that. She began to untangle Mulder from
her and lay him gently back on the bed. He slumbered on luckily. She
wasn't quite sure she wanted him to wake up yet. She knew it had to come
sooner or later, but she honestly had no idea how Mulder was going to
react to the events of the night before.

She walked over and embraced her mother for a second and then headed to
the bathroom. Just as she was coming out, Miles came into the room. He
gave her a questioning smile. He obviously wanted her take on Mulder's
behavior. It alarmed him that Tyler had seemed upset about the whole
experience. Benjamin Tyler was well-known in the hospital for his
level-headedness. If he had been troubled by Mulder's reaction then it
must have been rather extreme. From the details he'd heard what worried
him most were the flashbacks Mulder had been having to his childhood.
Mulder didn't need that right now on top of the rape. They needed to try
and work on getting him to cope with his rape and that was impossible to
do if he was trying to deal with his childhood abuse at the same time.
Miles hadn't had to deal with anything like that and it has still made
his recovery hell. He could only guess what things would be like for
Mulder. It scared the shit out of him to be Mulder's therapist when he
thought about it.

Scully gestured for him to follow her into the hall where they could
talk while Maggie stayed inside with Mulder. No one was even considering
leaving him to wakeup on his own. That would have been disaster. She
moved her chair closer to the bed and took Mulder's hand in her own. He
was partially on his side and partially on his stomach, but his face was
turned to the back. The position immediately reminded her of the way
Charlie had slept when he was little. Her youngest had always made it a
point to screw himself into the weirdest positions. Fox seemed to have
that talent as well.

Mulder began to moan softly as Scully and Pratt talked outside. Maggie
really didn't want him to wake up without anyone beside him, but she
also knew that Dana would want to be here. Quickly, she got out of her
chair and moved towards the door. She pushed it open and signaled for
Dana and Pratt to come inside.

When she returned to the bed, Mulder was still moaning incoherently. His
eyelids were fluttering and he was also attempting to turn over onto his
back. Scully approached the bed and took his hand in between her own.

"Mulder, wake up." The only response was a little growl in her
direction. "Come on, Mulder. I know you're in there. Open your eyes."

Amazingly enough, he did as she asked . His eyes opened and immediately
were filled with tears. He stared hard at Scully, but didn't say a word.
She was a little unnerved by his glare and not quite sure how to respond
to it.

"Morning, sleepyhead." She said with a smile. She knew she was being
incredibly nonchalant considering what had gone on the night before, but
she really didn't know how to approach him. The tension in the room went
up a notch when Mulder made no attempt to answer her. He just turned
over and laid back on the pillows while pulling the covers up under his
chin.

"I slept okay." he said with a frown. Mulder could never resist Maggie
Scully. She was the mother he'd always wanted and never had.

"Not really, but you'll probably just force-feed me anyway like you
forced other things." Mulder snapped with a look that could turn any
heart cold and definitely one that belonged to a woman who loved him.

Pratt wasn't at all surprised by Mulder's attack on Scully. He was
looking for someone to blame and she was the one who had ultimately made
him get the enema. "Mulder, you know it isn't Scully's fault so don't
take your anger out on her."

"Fox, I know you don't feel well, but neither Dana nor Miles did
anything to hurt you." As Maggie said this, she reached over and swept
the hair off Mulder's forehead. He immediately shut his mouth, but tears
seemed to well up in his eyes. "Sweetheart, you need to eat something
you're turning into skin and bones."

Just as quickly as the tears had come, they abated and Mulder smiled up
at her. "I'll eat if you make me some of your lasagna."

They all smiled, but Pratt was worried. Mulder's mood swings
unpredictable and could be triggered by anything. They needed to talk
soon. He figured now was just as good a time as any to approach Mulder.
He waited for Maggie to finish whatever it was she was saying and then
sprung the trap on him.

"Mulder, I'm going to have a tray brought up and when you're done eating
we're going to have a long talk about these flashbacks you've been
having." Mulder immediately opened his mouth to protest, but Pratt
spoke first. "Don't deny it. There are plenty of witnesses, Mulder."

Mulder looked down at his lap and began to play with the blanket. His
lips were pursed tightly without the slightest pout. That alarmed
Scully. Mulder always stuck that lip out when he didn't get his way. It
was almost a silent surrender that only Scully would notice. He waited
for someone else to speak for a couple of seconds and then started to
climb out of the bed.

"Where are you going, Mulder?" Scully asked as she pushed him back
towards the bed.

He looked up at her with a piercing glare. "Would it be okay if I went
to the goddamn bathroom or would you like to come and hold my dick while
I piss?"

Scully stepped back as if she had been burned. She then reached in her
bag and snatched out a pair of black boxers. She threw them onto the bed
and then began to storm out of the room. She was surprised when Pratt
stopped her by pacing his hand on her arm.

"Mulder, you owe her an apology. Does it really help to take your anger
out on her?" Pratt said gently.

"Fuck you! I don't owe anybody anything, but they all owe me something,
a little fuckin' respect for my privacy!" Mulder violently pushed the
tray table to the floor and got out of bed with the boxers in his hand.
He swayed as he rose to his feet, but grasped at the IV stand in order
to remain standing. He then moved slowly, which was as fast as he could
go, towards the bathroom. Scully called after him as he was about to
shut the door.

"Make sure you use the urinal." He rolled his eyes at her and then
slammed the door.

Once he was safely inside the bathroom, Mulder collapsed onto the toilet
seat. Hopefully, no one had noticed that he was trembling. He dropped
the boxers onto the floor and let his head fall into his hands. There
were still images of water rushing into him.

Tears began to flow freely as he sat confused the hospital bathroom, but
as much as he wanted to just sit and sob he knew that if he didn't get
up they would come in and drag him back to the bed.

Scully was just starting to consider breaking down the door when Mulder
opened it. He had managed to put his boxers on, so he walked towards the
bed without trying to hold the back of the gown shut. Scully noticed
that his eyes were a little puffy which quickly clued her into the fact
that he had been crying in the bathroom. However, it was obvious that he
was trying to hide it.

He walked to the bed and laid down without saying a word to anyone. He
allowed Maggie to pull the covers up over him and move the bed into an
upright position, but without so much as a peep. Scully peeked into the
bathroom and saw that the urinal was sitting on the sink half-full. He
hadn't had much in the way of fluids so that made sense. It even looked
to her like there was something in the toilet. <Thank God, that's over.>
she thought. She never wanted to him go through an enema again.

When she turned and looked at him again, she realized that he had been
really pale ever since he came out of the bathroom. It suddenly dawned
on her that it must have hurt like hell. He was barely on any
painkillers this morning because Tyler was starting to cut back the
drugs in anticipation of him leaving the hospital. The cafeteria tray
had been brought up as well, but it sat untouched.

It worried Pratt that Mulder wasn't speaking much. He had to admit that
he couldn't relate to the experience of having an enema. Luckily, he had
never been forced to that option. He decided that his best option at
this point was to get Mulder alone and away from Scully, who he was
wrongly accusing.

"Mulder, can we talk?" he asked as he came around the side of the bed
where Mulder was staring out the window. He was trying to make eye
contact, but Mulder was avoiding it at all costs. He shrugged as if he
didn't really give a shit, but he wasn't fooling anyone and least of
all, Pratt.

"Can I get a yes or no?" Pratt said attempting to elicit a verbal
response. Mulder couldn't say he had been forced into this conversation
if he answered him. His response was a disgusted look and a snarled
"yes."

"Thank you." he said cheerfully before he turned to Maggie and Scully,
"Could I ask you two to leave now?"

They both nodded and exited the room with anxious glances toward the
bed. Pratt sat in the chair next to the bed facing Mulder and
immediately realized just how difficult this was going to be.

He wanted to help Mulder, but he couldn't if Mulder wouldn't talk. The
session started off on the wrong foot with a silent, staring session to
see who could hold out longer. Neither of them would relinquish their
gazes, but then Miles decided to quit playing childish games.

"Mulder," he said, slightly annoyed at the smirk that graced Mulder's
face as soon as he spoke, "believe it or not, no one here relishes in
making you suffer. Tyler was doing what he had too, or you would have
just been in the hospital for even longer. Unfortunately, what's best
for you isn't always enjoyable."

"Well, since you're obviously not going to initiate any kind of real
talking, I will." Pratt said giving Mulder a stern, but empathetic look.
"Why don't you tell me what happened the other day when Tyler was
examining your rectum?"

Pratt was surprised at the blatant refusal. He knew Mulder wasn't
exactly happy about this, but he had been playing along.

"Alright. Well then, if you won't talk about that, then let's talk about
what happened when you were given an enema yesterday."

Miles' judgment on this subject had been right. Mulder did not want to
talk about it. His whole body tensed as he looked up at Pratt with a
defiant look, but the depths of pain in his eyes did not escape Miles'
well-tuned observational skills. Mulder needed to talk about this
whether he wanted to or not.

"I'm not talking about it. When you've had someone shove water all the
way up your ass then, we can talk about it." Mulder was refusing to make
eye contact with Pratt. It seemed like an insignificant thing, but Miles
knew it was because Mulder's fear shown like a candle in his expression.
It was time to take the bull by the horns, so to speak.

"Mulder," Pratt said leaning towards the bed and attempting to make eye
contact, " who did that to you? What did they do to scare you like
that?"

Pratt saw the tears start to flow down Mulder's face before he heard the
strangled whisper. "She hurt me."

"How did she hurt you, Mulder?" he said lowering the rail on the bed, so
that he could sit closer just in case anything happened.

Mulder sniffled and looked up at him with tears brimming. "No one was
supposed to touch me there. Why did she have to touch me there? Her and
Dad said it was bad to let anyone touch me there, but they both did it."

When Miles heard they both did it, he was alarmed. <Oh shit, what are we
getting into here?> "Did your dad help your mom?"

Mulder let out a loud sob and sunk down into the bed. He curled himself
into a ball as he continued to cry. "No, Dad tried to hurt me. He
never hurt Sammy though. Mommy wasn't trying to hurt me, she just did,
but Dad always tried to hurt me."

Pratt was appalled that his suspicions had been right. He had suspected
physical abuse, but he hadn't really considered sexual abuse. This was
turning into a three ring circus with Fox Mulder's past in the center
ring. He just hoped he could handle playing the ringmaster role.