Ravages of Spirit 18

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Summary:Mulder is still recovering from a rape. **THERE BE CHILD ABUSE
AHEAD! BEWARE!**

Authors Notes: I'm sure there are lots of people saying their hallelujahs
right now. Yes, I finally wrote another part! School's out, but now I have
to work, but I do have more time to write. Thanks to everyone for their
encouragements over my absence. Special thanks to Sam (my spycho twin),
Rachel, Laura, Corrine, Donna, Chelsea and all the many, many others who
have written to me. I really do appreciate all of it. This next part is
dedicated to all the people who have actually had to cope with an issue
similar to Mulder's.

Feedback: I've threatened before, so maybe its not necessary now. All I'll
say is that feedback must continue for the story to. No soapboxes tonight.

Miles had decided that he needed to leave Mulder alone for
awhile. He was going to make sure someone was watching him, but
not only did Mulder need sometimes to regroup, but so did Miles.

“Mulder, I’m gonna go check on some other patients. I think you
could use a little time to yourself. Do you need anything?”

Mulder just stretched out in the bed and stared out the window.
Miles could almost see the curtain of avoidance coming back over
Mulder’s features. He obviously did not want to talk anymore
and Miles wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to get Mulder to talk
about the child abuse again. He kind of felt like he was
walking away from the issue, but this was just too much for him
to jump into without some serious thought. Mulder had been
traumatized by the rape, but when you added sexual abuse on top
of that and it just sent his emotional status way over the top.
Mulder had been coping with his father’s abuse his entire life,
not well, but he had been coping. Miles wasn’t convinced that
it was a good idea to delve into the horrors of Mulder’s
childhood when there were more recent issues to deal with.

“I thought you were leaving.” Mulder said startling Miles
out of his psychobabble. Mulder didn’t sound pissed, he just
sounded impatient to get rid of Miles. It was kind of
understandable.

Miles cocked an eyebrow, but started for the door. “Do you
want me to send in Scully? She really doesn’t deserve your
anger you know. She was only doing what was best for you.”

Mulder nodded resignedly, but still answered no. He then
turned back to the window.
_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

Mulder’s mind was a jumble of images and not one of them was an
image that Mulder wanted to think about. It wasn’t like he
could confront his father about the way he had treated him as a
child. What was he supposed to do, have a seance and call up
his father? He might believe in extreme possibilities, but that
one was out of the question in his case. His father was dead
and as much as he hated the man, he still found that there were
times when he missed him. Sure, his family was dysfunctional,
but it was the only one he had. If his mother ever spoke to
him again after what he had said to her days before, it would be
a miracle. She was about as loving and forgiving as Hitler.
Mulder was never sure that she knew what his father was doing to
him sexually, but he was positive that she knew about the
physical abuse.

She was the one who’d taken him to the hospital a dozen times
when his shoulder was dislocated or he needed stitches or he had
a bruise so big on his kidney that his belly had swelled up and
he’d pissed blood for three days. She was always the one who
made up the stories to fool the doctors. Falling out of trees
was considered the Fox Mulder specialty. He’d fallen out of so
many trees that his neck should have been broken about 12 times,
but the hospital staff always seemed to ignore the bruises that
couldn’t be explained. Mostly because they were afraid of the
threats that Bill Mulder had made towards their careers if they
ever mentioned what was happening to his son. For some reason,
it never dawned on his mother that all these trips to the
hospital made her look like a negligent mother. She didn’t
really seem to give a shit as long as no one pried into their
private lives. Mulder could remember all too well how many
times he had laid on the gurney letting them check over his arms
or legs when there were other areas that needed attention, but
no one ever thought to examine those areas.

He could remember the nights that he’d gotten those injuries all
too well thanks to his cursed memory. It was great having an
eidetic memory, except when you could remember vividly everything
your father did to you when he came to visit your room late at
night. Mulder would always lay as still as possible and hope
that he would leave and just go to bed, but it never happened.
Mulder instantly felt nauseous as his mind recalled the rank
smell of whiskey on his father’s clothes and breath. The
sickening part was that it was the only time that Mulder ever
got any attention from his father that wasn’t completely
negative. Bill Mulder would always talk for awhile before he
fulfilled his needs. He’d always spoon up to the back of
Mulder’s adolescent body and tell him that he really did love
him. He was just the kind of man who couldn’t show his
emotions. He would ramble from subject to subject until finally
he could wait no longer. He would then cuddle up to Mulder even
farther. Mulder had always wondered why his parents suddenly
bought him a double bed when he never asked for one, but he knew
the answer. His father just wasn’t comfortable enough in the
little twin bed he’d had before. He should have known something
was up. His parents never bought him anything that he didn’t
absolutely need after Samantha was gone.

His father would slowly begin to reach beneath the waistband of
his son’s pajama pants. Mulder could remember lying there
absolutely rigid as tears trickled down his face. His father
would then pull his pants and underwear off almost sensually, as
if he were trying to arouse him. He could feel his father’s
perverted hardness against the back of his thighs. After the
first couple of times, he had stopped screaming throughout the
whole thing. Not because it didn’t hurt anymore, but because
the screaming never got him anywhere. All he ended up with was
laryngitis the next day. His father always tried to pretend
that his son was getting something out of it when he fondled his
penis and testicles. Mulder never once got hard though. He was
an adolescent boy was uncomfortable with the changes in his body
and yet his father was taking advantage of that.

He would slowly begin to work his large finger through Mulder’s
anus. Despite the lube, it always hurt. Always. He never got
used to it and he never liked it. His father would then thrust
his whole length in at once. Though it always felt like he was
being ripped apart, Mulder would bite his lip to avoid
screaming. His father would be satisfied with thrusting into
him for a while and then he would drag him to the end of the bed
and bend him over it, so that he could penetrate him even
further. There was never any enjoyment in those sessions,
especially not later when he sat over the toilet waiting to stop
bleeding. If there was no enjoyment then, why had he gotten off
when Colton had raped him?

His father would always threaten him after he’d taken what he
wanted. He would threaten to tell everyone that Fox was a
little faggot. Only now did Mulder realize that was an idle
threat. It would have tarnished the morally upstanding
citizenship of Bill Mulder.

All the official stuff was included in part A.
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Mulder was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear
Scully enter the room until she put her hand on his shoulder.
He flinched, but then laid back when he realized who it was. He
knew he really had no reason to be mad at her. It was just that
the enema that brought up so many issues for him and he was
taking that anger out on the person closest to him. She was so
forgiving though. He’d treated her like shit for the past week
and she put up with his mood swings and always came back to
comfort him. He definitely did not deserve her loyalty. She
was looking at him now with complete compassion. It wasn’t pity,
she knew he would have hated that. As she sat down on the bed,
Mulder turned towards her. She reached up and wiped the tears
off his face. He hadn’t even realized he was crying.

“What were you thinking so hard about?” she said as she took one
of his hands between hers. He quickly turned and looked back
out the window. She could see the tears brimming over onto his
eyelashes again. She stroked the back of his hand lightly. “You
don’t have to tell me, Mulder. It’s okay.”

“I want to tell you, Scully. I just can’t right now. I don’t
know if I ever will be able to tell anyone. Its just something
I’ve always had to deal with on my own.”

“You don’t have to tell anyone, Mulder. You just have to know
that if you ever want to, there’s a lot of people who would be
willing to listen.”

He nodded, but continued to stare out the window. It was
obvious that whatever he had been thinking about when she came
in was still on his mind. Miles hadn’t told her exactly what
had happened when he had talked to Mulder, but he had seemed
overwhelmed. She wondered which Mulder family skeleton had
tumbled out of the closet. There certainly were enough hiding in
there.

“I think Tyler is planning on discharging you tomorrow as long
as your kidneys look okay and your temp stays down. It was a
little high last night. He also wants you to get everything
straight with Miles.”

Mulder rolled his eyes at her and chuckled. “It isn’t all going
to be “straight” for a long time.” That was all he would say.
He wasn’t willing to elaborate on his comment, he truly was not
ready to talk about what had happened. She figured she might as
well change the subject to at least get his mind off his
memories.

“How about if I go heat up whatever it is that’s on that tray
over there and you can get something to eat?”

She lifted the pink cover off the plate and revealed some type
of soup, a roll, vanilla pudding and what looked like broccoli.
She raised and eyebrow and looked at Mulder with amusement. No
way in hell was he going to eat that broccoli or anything else
on the tray for that matter. He shot her a look of disgust and
shook his head.

“Mulder, if you don’t eat, they won’t let you leave. I know its
looks unappetizing, but maybe its not that bad.”

She gave him a stern look, but honestly she couldn’t blame him
for not wanting to eat it. “Alright, I’ll make a deal with you.
If you eat the pudding and the roll, I will go down to the deli
on K street and get some of their famous chicken soup.”

Mulder grinned. “Deal. Hand me that mess they call pudding.”
Scully laughed and pushed the tray towards him. He picked up
the spoon and scooped up some pudding.

“Here goes nothing.” he said as he shoved it in his mouth and
closed his eyes. He reminded Scully of a little kid who was
being forced to take his medicine. His eyes popped open though.
“Its not too bad.”

“Yeah, that soup will taste real good. What are you waiting
for?” He was feigning an impatient pout.

Scully raised her eyebrows again and laughed. “Well, I can see
you feel at least a little bit better. You’re being pushy and
impatient again.”

“Only if you promise that when I come back, I’m not going to
find out that you got in trouble while I was gone.”

“I don’t get in trouble that much, Scully. Why’s everyone think
I’m so mischievous?” He had the kicked dog expression fully
employed at this point.

“Have you been admiring my ass, Agent Scully?” he added a pensive look, “I
always
wondered why you walked a step behind me.”

“I walk a step behind you because your legs are double the size
of mine, but I do get a nice view of your rear-end.”

Mulder’s jaw dropped open. Was Scully actually flirting with
him? He tried to come up with a witty comeback, but his brain
backfired. Instead, he just sputtered. Scully couldn’t help,
but laugh. He sounded like the old Mulder. She knew there were
going to be ups and downs, but they came so quickly with him.
The mood swings were different every other minute.

“What’s all the noise in here?” Skinner said as he and Maggie
came in. Skinner had just gotten back from his interrogation
with Colton. They had gotten absolutely nothing out of him.
Luckily for them, the judge had ruled to hold him without bail
for forcible sodomy, assault on a federal officer and several
other lesser charges. They couldn’t charge him with first degree
rape because it wasn’t considered that when the incident was
male to male. Sometimes justice was completely backwards.

Maggie had walked over to the bed and given Mulder and kiss on
the forehead as Skinner sat down in the chair next to the bed.

“I told Mulder that if he ate the pudding and the roll on his
lunch tray I would get him some real soup from a deli downtown.
And now he won’t give up.” She said rolling her eyes at him.

“Scully, you should go home and get some sleep. You look
tired.” Mulder said almost guiltily.

“I’m fine, Mulder. I slept as long as you did last night. I
just need to change my clothes and shower. I’ll go get the soup
and bring it back and then I can go home and freshen up while
Mom’s here.”

“I don’t have to be watched all the time you know. I’m going
home tomorrow. Alone.” He was becoming quickly disgusted by
everyone’s over-protectiveness.

Mulder quickly shook his head. Normally, he couldn’t refuse
anything to her, but he was feeling smothered. “I’m sorry, Mrs.
Scully, but I just really want to go home.”

“That’s fine, Fox. I’ll cook up some food and bring it over for
you since Dana tells me that what you usually eat is atrocious.”

Mulder looked at Scully in mock shock. “What I eat at home is
better that this hard, stale roll. Are you implying that
McDonald’s cheeseburgers aren’t fulfilling my daily intake of
nutrients?”

“They’re filling something, but its not your nutrients, its your
arteries.” Scully said dryly.

“So why don’t you go get me some soup?” Mulder yawned as he
finished his sentence. “Why am I so damned tired? I’ve only
been awake about two hours.”

“Your body is trying to heal, Mulder. It wants you to rest.
You go to sleep and I’ll wake you up when I get back with your
soup after I take a shower.”

Mulder was already sliding down into the bed and shutting his
eyes. He definitely did not have his energy level back yet, but
at least he had eaten something and he was gonna eat more later.

Scully said good-bye and walked out the door just as a nurse was
coming through it to take Mulder’s vital signs. She stayed to see
if his temp was still high.

Mulder simply held out his arm, but didn’t even open his eyes.
She popped the thermometer in his mouth and started to take his
blood pressure. After the required amount of time, she took the
thermometer and looked at it closely.

“Your temp is still up a little bit. You’re not running a
raging fever, but you’ve got a little bit of one. I’m going to
have Dr. Tyler come in when he gets here, but you should go to
sleep for now.” She then glanced over and saw the meal tray,
“Mr. Mulder, you didn’t eat all of your lunch.”

“I’m going to get him some chicken soup right now. He ate the
pudding, so I figured we’d compromise.”

The nurse nodded and left the room. Scully walked back over to
the bed and looked down at Mulder. She really wanted to know why
he was still running a fever. There had to be an infection
somewhere and she could only hope that it wasn’t in his rectum
or his kidney. They’d have to see later. Now, she owed her
partner some soup.

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