Ravages of Spirit (20/?)

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Disclaimer: Despite the fact that I've been writing this for a long time,
they still aren't mine. They belong to FOX, Chris Carter, and 1013
Productions.

Summary: Mulder is home and trying to get his life back together after his
rape.

Author's Notes: I know I can hear you all now. "Hallelujah! She finally
wrote another one." Sorry it took so long. This one was just a bitch to
write. Thanks again to the usuals. Thanks to Rachel for proofreading and
helping me prevent Maggie from being a sap. Thanks to Corrine who's always
so sweet about telling me she wants more! And thanks to Sam who's gone on
to the Ivy Leagues and forgotten me!

Feedback can be sent to allieslead2truth@hotmail.com. Knowing that people
like it makes me write the next part. Maybe if I get alot of feedback, I'll
actually finish it soon!

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Finally, Mulder was walking down the hallway to Apartment 42. He was
thrilled to be home, but now he had to get rid of Scully. She didn't quite
seem to understand that he just wanted to be alone. The first thing he
wanted to do was to go to sleep, but he wouldn't admit how tired he was to
her. The short trip from the hospital had already exhausted him. It was to
be expected considering that he'd been flat in a bed for almost two weeks,
but it still seemed ridiculous to him. The half an hour car ride hadn't
been particularly pleasant for his ass either, whether he had that
ridiculous little donut or not.

Mulder unlocked the door to his apartment and threw it open. He'd never
been so glad to his dark, little home before.

"Fox!" Maggie grinned coming towards him from the kitchen. Mulder wasn't
really surprised to see her, but he didn't want her there. No one seemed to
understand that he wanted to be alone. He plastered a smile on his face and
let Maggie hug him. He almost choked when Skinner came in from the kitchen
carrying a towel. What was this? One big fucking happy family?

"Welcome home, Mulder. We've got lunch all ready for you." Skinner steered
Mulder towards the kitchen and pulled a chair out for him. Mulder plopped
down without thinking and came right back up again.

"Mulder, you have to be more careful! Here's your donut." Scully said as
she handed it to him. He scowled at her fiercely and threw it onto the
chair, but he did sit down gingerly this time.

As he turned to the table, he was shocked at the amount of food. There was
no way that any of this food had been in his cabinets when he had left for
work two weeks ago. Skinner opened the fridge to grab a pitcher of iced tea
and Mulder could see that it was full as well.

"How much do I own you for groceries?" Mulder asked as the three of them
continued to buzz around the kitchen.

"We can worry about that later. Just relax for now." Maggie said as she set
a plate in front of him. It had a turkey sandwich on it that probably
wouldn't even fit in his mouth. She then put a bowl of vegetable soup next
to the plate.

It all looked delicious, it was just that he really wasn’t in the mood to
eat. He was tired, cranky and ready to crash. Scully noticed that he
didn't reach for the spoon or the sandwich. In fact, he was just staring
off into space.

"Mulder!" she said with a concerned crease in her forehead a couple seconds
later.

Maggie came over to the table and picked up the sandwich. "That's alright.
I’ll just wrap this up for later." She said with a smile, but he didn’t miss
the frown that flitted across her face as she turned around.

"I'm fine." He said exasperatedly. He was glad to know they were all here
for him, but they were all tripping all over him and hovering and it was
going to drive him insane.....quick. And it wasn’t like it was a long trip
anyway.

Skinner tried to help Mulder out of the chair, but when Mulder pulled away
from him, he lost his balance and tipped out of the chair.

"Goddammit!" Once again, all three of them rushed to help him up, but he
pushed them away. "I'm not a fuckin' cripple. I really do appreciate all
the effort, but please just leave me the hell alone!"

He pulled himself off the floor in obvious pain, and stalked to the bedroom.
Once he was there, he shut the door, and stretched out on the bed. As he
laid there, he glanced at the picture of Samantha on the nightstand. Tears
quickly sprang to his eyes and he just laid there crying softly until he
dropped off to sleep.

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In the kitchen, everything had been cleaned up in silence. They didn't want
to smother Mulder, but it seemed as if they had done that anyway.

Skinner picked up his suit jacket and started towards the door. "I'm going
to head out. Just call if you need anything."

"I know that, Scully. I think he needs some time to himself. He hasn't
really been allowed to be alone for almost two weeks. For someone as
introverted as Mulder, that's a long time."

Scully and Maggie looked at each other guiltily. They had known that Mulder
would want to be alone, but they let their worry override his wants.

"Dana, maybe we should leave too. He has everything he needs and he can
call if he needs you." Maggie said as she finished cleaning up the kitchen.

Scully frowned worriedly, but nodded. "Alright, but I'm gonna tell him I'm
leaving."

She went to the bedroom door and knocked softly before opening it. Mulder
was already out cold. She could see the tear tracks on his face, but she
wasn't too alarmed when she saw that he had a picture of Samantha in his
hand. She didn’t want to wake him to tell him she was leaving, so she
walked back to the kitchen and wrote a short note. She then taped it to the
TV; hopefully, he'd see it there. She nodded to her mother, picked up her
purse, and locked the door behind her.

Author: Invisigoth Too
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Mulder woke up lazily stretching across his bed. He couldn't even remember
falling asleep, but he felt like he had been asleep for awhile. He couldn't
hear anyone in his living room, but he would be surprised if Scully left
that easily. He climbed out of bed and walked through to the kitchen.
Everyone was gone. As much as it felt good to be home alone, he found
himself walking to the door and double checking to make sure Scully had
locked the door on her way out. It was locked and Mulder slid the deadbolt
into place as well. Being an FBI agent, Mulder knew that victims of violent
crimes were most often robbed of their sense of security after the incident.
Whether he knew that psychologically or not didn't change the fact that he
was experiencing it. He walked back to his couch and laid down. The
leather molded to his body perfectly as if he had never left. He grabbed
the remote and clicked on the TV. He then noticed the note on the TV.
Surprise, surprise, it was from Scully. She had threatened him to call he
when he woke up or else.

He picked up the cordless phone and sat back on the couch as he waited for
Scully to pick up.

"Hey, its me." he said chuckling. It sounded like she needed a nap more than
he did. "I guess I woke you up."

"Yeah, I fell asleep on the couch, but I`m glad you called. Did you just
wake up?"

"Almost 4 hours."
"Damn, Scully. This tired shit has got to go. I'm not used to it."

"I know. I'm gonna get something to eat now. Then I'll probably be tired
again, lifting a bowl to the microwave might be too strenuous."

"I will. Bye." He hung up and booted up his computer. He then dialed his
internet connection and accessed his email. There were over 200 messages to
clean out of his box. That would be enough to keep him busy for awhile.

He started to pick through the messages deleting all the jokes and forwards
that he never read anyway. There were lots of notices from different porn
sites letting him know that they had updated. Normally, he would have
visited the sites, but he found that he had no desire to view pectorally
enhanced women. It worried him slightly that he wasn't interested, but he
pushed it to the back of his mind with the rest of the issues that he didn’t
want to confront.

There was a selection of messages from different MUFON and paranormal
related mailing lists. Mulder simply filed all of them into a folder to
read later. Once he had cleaned all the junk out, he was left with only
eight messages left and they were all from the Gunmen. The first couple
were joking and invited him to come chat with them about the cutting edge
conspiracies. The last few, however, were awkward condolences offered from
the three. Frohike offered to blast Colton's head off for him, but all of
them promised him that if he needed anything they were there. Byers, Langly
and Frohike may have been a strange bunch, but they were loyal friends with
big hearts.

It suddenly occurred to Mulder after reading the email that his rape had
been in the news and that everyone in the FBI knew about it and probably
everyone in D.C. He didn't need anything else to be ridiculed for, but he
also couldn't stand to see pity in everyone's eyes. He knew that he really
shouldn't give a shit about what everyone else though about him, but this
was different. It was a brutal, public crime that had assaulted his
privacy. The thought of everyone knowing that he had been raped truly
nagged at him.

Mulder suddenly noticed a blinking light out of the corner of his eye. His
answering machine was blinking rapidly, indicating that he had missed quite
a few phone calls. He listened as various messages played from the Gunmen
and other random salesmen and bill collectors. He then heard a voice that
froze him instantly.

"Well, hello, Fox. I've really been missing you since I've been sitting in
jail. I've been such a good little agent though that they let me have an
extra phone call. The only person I could think of to call was you. Guess
how I've been spending my jail time. Thinking of you. Last night, I jerked
off thinking about how tight your ass was and when I came, I screamed your
name, Fox. Don't worry, we'll have more time together."

Mulder barely made it to the bathroom before he lost the tiny bit of iced
tea that was in his stomach. He couldn't get the image of Colton
masturbating out of his mind. He leaned back against the tub and shivered.
As much as he tried to focus on the fact that he was reacting exactly how
Colton had wanted, he couldn't stop it. After another round of retching,
Mulder stood and looked into the mirror for the first time in what seemed
like years.

He looked gaunt and thin. Not to mention that he had broken out in a cold
sweat and was still shivering. Suddenly, he turned and stormed out of the
bathroom, vowing not to let Colton antagonize him. The bastard was in jail
and he had better things to worry about.

He yanked the fridge open to find something to wash the rancid taste out of
his mouth. He bent over to grab the iced tea and was attacked by a shooting
pain across his abdomen. He reached for one of the chairs at the table
behind him and lowered himself into it gently. He wasn’t gonna make that
mistake again.The sharp pain was gone, but there was a dull ache where it
had originated. It probably was just something he pulled during his puke
fest because it wasn't a pain he'd had in the hospital. Then it dawned on
him.

<And you're supposed to be a fucking genius, Mulder.> He hadn't taken any of
his pain pills since he'd been home. He poured a glass of orange juice and
went to the bedroom where his prescriptions were. He found the Darvocet and
the Flexeril and took both of the pills. He briefly considered the
suppositories the doctor had given him, but his ass didn’t hurt THAT bad.
As much as it dismayed him, he wasn't surprised to find that he was tired
again. He set the juice on the night stand and shed his clothes. He then
crawled under the covers for what he hoped would be a night of uninterrupted
sleep.