Ravages of Spirit (21/?)

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Disclaimer: Yes, believe it or not, Chris Carter handed over his billion
dollar enterprise to me, so I could write Muldertorture stories. Oh, wait,
sorry, those were my delusions of grandeur. They aren't mine, most of the
characters belong to 1013 Productions, FOX Television and Chris Carter. I
guess they can have them back since they have been doing such a great job of
torturing Mulder recently.

Summary: Mulder is out of the hospital and recovering mentally and
physically. Things don't go quite so smoothly.

Author's Notes: We're nearing the end of this one folks! Its time to wrap
it up. I noticed that when the story got posted to MTA, some of the
formatting got confused. When I finish the entire thing, I will be revising
it and posting it as an entire story.

Thanks: To Rachel, for correcting my grammar. To all of you who keep
reminding me to write, and of course, to my sociology professor who's so
incredibly boring that she gives me 50 minutes of writing time three times a
week.

Feedback: Well, I could say that I won't finish it until you send me
feedback, but that might be blackmail? <EG>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mulder awoke quickly to the sound of the door clicking shut. His sleep had
been dreamless and uninterrupted thanks to the sleeping pills, but now he
could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and a cold sweat breaking out on
his forehead. He instinctively reached out to grab his gun off the
nightstand. When his searching came up empty, he cursed Skinner silently
for taking his gun. He then crept across the room to the dresser to find
his smaller gun. He ruffled through the drawers and still couldn't find a
thing. Scully must have taken that one. Immediately, he began to panic and
shake uncontrollably, with fear that someone had come into his apartment to
violate him again. He could hear footsteps moving around in the living
room, only separated by the thin bedroom door. He rushed to the door and
turned the lock. At least that would keep him safe for a little while.

He looked frantically around the room for something to protect himself with.
He remembered his old baseball bat in the closet. Quickly, he climbed
into the back of the closet and hunched himself on the floor with his hands
around the bat. All he could do was tremble as he heard a knock on the
door. He moved farther into the corner of the closet, and the tears began
to flow silently down his face. He sat there listening to the rapping,
shivering intensely and crying.

"Mulder," Scully called gently. She had been knocking and calling his
name, but couldn't seem to rouse him.

Mulder manuevered out of the closet and walked shakily to the door. Slowly,
he turned the lock and pulled the door open.

Scully was met with an alarming image. He looked like shit. There were
tears running down his face, his hair was plastered to his forehead with
sweat, and his shirt was drenched. Scully grabbed his hand and led him to
the couch. He flopped down like a rag doll, but his eyes never left her
face. She kneeled in front of him and took his pulse at his wrist. It
didn't take a doctor to tell it was racing.

He looked up long enough to shake his head vigorously and then let it flop
back onto the couch. Scully was about to ask again when he spoke in a quiet
whisper. "I freaked out, Scully."

"I didn't know who was coming in and I didn't hear you calling my name. I
guess...." he trailed off without answering.

"You guess what, Mulder?" Scully said as she clasped his hands in between
her own.

"I guess I thought it was Colton again," he said as he studied her hands
intensely.

"He's in jail. He can't bother you anymore." She was rubbing his knee as
he let out a bitter laugh.

"Go press play on the answering machine." Scully gave him a questioning
look, but walked over to the machine and pressed play. Once again, Tom
Colton's voice filled the room and Mulder couldn't suppress the shiver that
ran down his spine.

As Scully listened to the message, her face grew redder and redder until she
stabbed the stop button and yanked the tape out of the machine. "Goddamn
him!" she muttered as she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket.

Mulder wanted to protest, but he knew that it was useless when Scully was on
a rampage. He felt like a little kid who had tattled on the school bully.
He had every reason to be pissed, but he couldn't suppress the feeling that
he wasn't capable of doing anything on his own anymore. He couldn't even
cope with a little stress.

Scully was relating the message to Skinner in a clipped tone and even from
four feet away, Mulder could hear the roar Skinner let out. He shifted to
get up off the couch when he was overcome with the same stabbing pain
through his abdomen and lower back that he had felt the night before. He
suppressed a gasp and lay back on the couch. The sharp pain went away
quickly, but resounded with a dull cramp. Mulder looked over at Scully just
as she was hanging up the phone. As he sat there, he realized that his
entire body hurt. That little trip into the bottom of the closet had not
been beneficial. His ass was definitely sore.

Sometimes he swore that Scully could read his mind. "Not yet, I didn't wake
up until you came in."

"Don't be embarrassed. I'm really proud of you. You actually admitted that
you needed it."

"No, I'll go." He moved to the edge of the couch and slowly rose to his
feet. He waited first for the lightheadedness to pass and then walked to
the bedroom. He could feel Scully's eyes on him the entire way. He grabbed
a glass of water in the bathroom and then moved to the bedroom where he
downed the pills. As he was putting them back into the bag, the
suppositories fell out into his lap. He really wanted the aching in his
backside to stop, but he wasn't sure he could handle putting the little
capsule into his bruised rectum.

Scully stood in the doorway and watched as Mulder turned the suppository
over and over in his hand. Finally, she just asked. "Mulder, do you want to
use one of those?"

His head snapped up and looked at her with a wide stare as if he had no idea
what to say.

"I can insert it quickly and you'll feel better," she said gently, as she
approached the bed.

He looked at her with doubt, but nodded. She went back to the living room
where her medical bag was and pulled out a pair of latex gloves and a packet
of KY jelly. She walked towards the bedroom to find that Mulder had shed
his sweatpants and was lying on his stomach in his boxers. His face was
buried in the pillow and the bag of prescriptions laid next to him.

Scully pulled the gloves on and unwrapped the suppository. She rubbed a
little lubricant over the capsule and then placed her hand gently on his
lower back to establish contact.

She quickly pulled the boxers down and pushed the capsule deftly through his
anus. She then used her finger to move the medicine as far forward as
possible. Finally, she snapped off the gloves and pulled his boxers up.
"All done."

"No, but I guess I should since it's lunch time." He moved towards the edge
of the bed, but Scully held him back.

"No, you have to lay down until the suppository melts. How about some of my
mom's soup?"

He nodded and she went to the kitchen to warm the soup. Mulder was being
very complacent and it was unnerving. He certainly wasn't acting like
himself. She knew he was still trying to deal with the rape, but she felt
like he was hiding something from her. As she headed back to the bedroom
with the soup, she stopped in the doorway when she saw tears running down
Mulder's face. She didn't want to disturb him because he needed to get
these emotions out, but his eyes were clenched like he was in physical pain.
However, she had learned from her mistakes the day before, so she didn't
nag. She turned back to the kitchen and waited a couple of minutes before
she took the soup in again.

"Here you go, Mulder." She pretended to busy herself getting the breakfast
tray so he had time to wipe the tears from his eyes. When she turned
around, he had propped himself up against the headboard. She arranged the
tray around him and set the soup down. Mulder slowly began to eat while
Scully busied herself picking up things around the apartment. A few minutes
later, as she was emptying the dishwasher, Mulder came in with his soup
bowl. He handed it to her silently and walked back to the living room.

He had barely said a word to her since she had put the suppository in. He
really didn't need to be embarrassed, but she knew that he was. She found
him on the couch flipping through the channels without paying attention.
She put her hand on his leg and waited for him to look at her, but he
didn't.

"Mulder," she said again firmly. When he didn't answer this time, she
snatched the remote control from him and turned off the TV. That got his
attention.

"What?" he asked tersely, but there was an unusual amount of resignation in
his voice and it worried Scully.

"What makes you think I was any better?" he said, without meeting her eyes.
Scully was taken aback by his answer.

"Mulder, I don't know how to help you. I'm trying to be here for you, but I
don't know if that's what you want. Do you want me to go home?"

For the first time since they had begun talking, he looked up at her through
tears. "Scully, you're helping. It's me who's fucked."

"Mulder, you are not fucked," she said as she pulled him into her arms
letting him cry on her shoulder. "You're just overwhelmed, confused, and
scared to death, but we're going to get through this." She held him there
for awhile until he eventually regained his composure and sat up. As he was
getting ready to speak again, the phone rang.

Mulder made no move to answer it, but instead just stared at the handset.
Scully looked up at him questioningly, but picked up the phone. She mouthed
to him that it was Skinner and watched him visibly relax. Colton's message
had really gotten to him. Skinner asked how Mulder was and then asked to
talk to him. Mulder took the phone carefully as if it would somehow bite
him if he got too close.

"Hello, Mulder. I just wanted to tell you that I am very sorry you had to
deal with that message from Colton. There was a little breakdown in
communication at the jail, but I've taken care of that. It will NOT happen
again."

"You're welcome, Mulder, but it should never have happened in the first
place. How are you doing?" Skinner asked with obvious concern.

Mulder didn't answer right away, but choked out a garbled thank you. He
then hung up the phone quickly and handed it to Scully.

The day passed slowly for Mulder, even though Scully was there. She tried to
stay out of his way, but he still wasn't exactly the most enjoyable person
to be with. He didn't want her to leave because he didn't really want to be
alone, but he felt like he was constantly hiding. He couldn't let Scully
know about the pains in his stomach because she would haul him to the
hospital. They weren't getting better or worse though, which he figured was
a good thing, so he just ignored it.

Around six, Scully announced that she was going home. She left with all the
usual threats to take his medicine and to call her if anything happened.

After she left, Mulder found himself wandering from room to room, turning on
all the lights and closing the shades. He checked the locks on the front
door. Though he felt better after doing so, he was still jittery. The pain
in his stomach had started to turn into a subdued feeling of nausea. He
decided that he would simply take his medicine and fall asleep on the couch.

After he took the medicine, he lay flipping through the channels and finally
settling on watching an infomercial about some new cleaner that was "simply
amazing!" Mulder began to drift off when he was abruptly woken by the
peristalsis in his esophagus. He launched himself towards the bathroom and
retched violently. Weakly slumping on the floor after he finished dry
heaving, he didn't even the energy to get up from the floor. He lay on the
bathroom floor and simply cried. He had cried many times since the whole
incident had occurred, but always because he hurt emotionally, never because
he hurt physically.

He lie there and shook with tears as well as his rising temperature also,
the phone rang. He knew he needed to get up and answer it, but he couldn't
convince his body of that. He listened as the answering machine came on and
Maggie's soothing voice wafted through the apartment. He used the sink to
drag himself up and stumbled to the living room. Collapsing onto the couch
with the phone, he answered just as she was getting ready to hang up.

He had no doubt that he sounded like hell, but he didn't have the energy to
mask his voice.

"No, I was in the bathroom and I had to rush to the phone. I didn't want
you to worry." When he spoke a whole sentence, he realized just how shaky
his voice sounded. Maggie was definitely going to call Scully.

The doubt in Maggie's voice was almost palpable. "Alright, I just wanted to
make sure you didn't need anything. I'll talk to you later. Take care,
Fox." She hung up quickly and Mulder knew she was immediately dialing
another line. He wanted to put up a show for Scully, but he was nauseous
again. Making his way to the bathroom, he propped himself against the wall
next to the toilet. Every couple of minutes, he was forced to lean over and
dry heave until his stomach felt like it would be ejected from his body.
His skin was coated with sweat, but still he was shiveried violently. He
found himself dozing as he waited for the cavalry to arrive. He didn't even
care if he went to the hospital at this point; if it made him feel better.

He didn't know how long he lay there floating in a twilight zone in between
consciousness and unconsciousness, but just as he had expected there was a
knock on the door. When he didn't answer, he heard Scully's key turn in the
lock for the second time in the same day.

"Mulder? Mulder, where are you?" Scully sounded a little frantic, but when
she turned the corner to the bathroom, she went absolutely silent for a
second. After she had gotten over her initial shock, she ran towards
Mulder.

"Jesus! What's going on?" She had immediately begun to take Mulder's pulse
and feel his forehead for a temperature. "You're burning up," she mumbled
as she pushed the sweaty hair off his forehead.

"Mulder, we have to go to the hospital." He looked at her blankly, which
told her that he DEFINITELY needed to go to the hospital. If he wasn't
arguing, there was a serious problem. "I'm going to call Skinner to take us
to GW. I don't want you to go anywhere else."

She began dialing immediately, but Mulder wasn't paying attention, he was
too busy dry-heaving. Scully watched helplessly as he retched. He was so
weak that he leaned his head against the toilet seat for support. Skinner
was on his way, but she needed to get Mulder dressed. As she dialed the
hospital to warn them Mulder was coming, she dashed to the bedroom to grab
some clothes. The hospital promised to locate Dr. Tyler and hopefully,
Miles as well.

She went back to the bathroom and struggled to dress Mulder. She managed to
get the shirt on rather easily, but the sweatpants didn't slide on quite as
well when he was sitting down. She dragged him up from the floor and yanked
the jogging pants up. She was deeply concerned at how pale he was, the
clamminess of his skin, and his silence. He was leaning heavily on her as
they walked to the couch. She sat him down and scrambled to the kitchen to
get a pail for him to throw up in. She returned with it just in time. He
was gagging, but there was nothing left in his stomach to come up. She
whispered softly to him until she heard a knock at the door. She let out a
breath she hadn't realized she was holding in relief.

Skinner barged in and gasped at Mulder's appearance. His head was lolled
back against the couch and he was as white as a sheet. He helped Mulder up
from the couch as Scully held the pail. Skinner found himself practically
carrying Mulder, but they made it without incidence and quickly loaded
Mulder into the front seat of Skinner's car.

The ride to the hospital was silent except for Mulder's occasional retching.
Scully winced with sympathy at how sore his stomach must have been from
the continuous strain of vomiting. Skinner drove like a maniac to the
hospital, but amazingly enough, managed to get them there safely and evade
the police. As they pulled up to the hospital, Scully could see Dr. Tyler
waiting outside with a gurney.

Skinner stopped the car, and Tyler and two orderlies were immediately at
Mulder's door. Mulder was barely holding onto consciousness and his arms
were wrapped tightly around his middle. They lifted him up easily onto the
stretcher and sped the gurney back into the ER. Scully ran after them as
Skinner moved the car away from the ambulance entrance.

Mulder was stripped rapidly and an IV was inserted as Tyler talked to Scully
about what was happening.

"If he has, he didn't tell me. And he couldn't have gotten this sick until I
left, which was only at six. I don't know what the hell is going on! He's
been taking his medication and doing everything he was supposed, to as far
as I know."

Tyler nodded and placed his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "Alright,
we'll figure out what it is." He turned to walk back into the examination
room.

Tyler examined Mulder slowly, but didn't find anything. He had rushed the
lab results hoping that they would give him a clue. Nothing was infected
and it had come on too fast to be the simple stomach flu. His only hunch
was that Mulder was having some kind of delayed reaction to one of the
medications. The bloodwork would help him decide that. His concern right
now was alleviating the nausea and preventing dehydration.

"Get me a syringe of Compazine," he said to a nurse. When she returned, he
warned Mulder and injected it into his hip.

Mulder's eyes were shut, so Tyler couldn't gauge his reaction to the
injection. He was sending Mulder to get an abdominal CT scan to rule out
any renewed internal bleeding, but he wasn't sure how "with it" his patient
was.

"Mulder," he said leaning by his ear, "is there anything I need to know?
Have you had any different pains?"

Mulder opened his eyes and turned over on his side to allow himself to curl
into a fetal position. "I was having pain in my stomach, but I thought it
was cramping from the bruising."

Tyler patted Mulder on the shoulder. "I need to do a rectal to make sure
that's the case. Then, I'm going to send you down for a CAT scan."

"I'm really sorry, Mulder, but I need to make sure that you're not bleeding
again."

Mulder just nodded again mutely, but never opened his eyes. Tyler pulled on
a glove swiftly and opened a tube of KY. "Okay, I'm going to push my finger
through." He had his hand on Mulder's hip, and so, he separated his buttocks
and inserted his finger into the anus. He gently examined the walls of the
rectum, and then finished and pulled his finger out.

"Well, there's good news. There's no blood. Let's go get that CT scan."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scully paced the waiting room with Skinner and her mother. Dr. Tyler had
taken Mulder down to have a CAT scan and now they were just hoping and
praying that it was a simple problem, not a life-threatening one. Every
possible diagnosis was running through Scully's mind, but she was trying to
ignore those thoughts. About fifteen minutes later, Tyler came out with a
consoling smile on his face.

"A delayed reaction to the antibiotic. I'm not sure why, but his body
reacted violently."

"Yes, its his body's way of rejecting any more abuse. He's gotten most of
it out of his system, but I'd still like to keep him overnight."

Tyler chuckled. "He already knows, but he was too exhausted to care. He
just made me vow not to put in a catheter."

They all laughed nervously with the relief that it wasn't anything serious
and that Mulder was doing okay.

"He also admitted to me that he's having a lot of internal cramping despite
the meds. Everything was fine when I examined him, but I'm going to change
prescriptions and hope that it helps."

Scully nodded. "I thought he was cramping today. He actually let me insert
a suppository."

"He's better now. We upped his pain meds a little. You should all go home
and get some sleep."

"Alright, I'll show you his room." Tyler had already expected that from
Scully. She practically had to be dragged from his bedside earlier in this
whole fiasco.

Dana turned to her mother and Skinner. "I'll call tomorrow morning and
someone can come give us a ride home."

"I'll be home as well," Maggie said, "Good night, sweetheart. Take care of
Fox, but try to get some sleep." She leaned forward and kissed Dana on the
forehead. Skinner also gave her a squeeze on the shoulder.

Scully entered Mulder's room and found him lying with his back to the door.
She could see that they had hooked him up to a heart and blood pressure
monitor. They were watching those numbers closely because his BP had
bottomed out when he came in. She walked around to the other side of the
bed and pulled the blanket up to his shoulders. He was sleeping soundly and
looked 100% better than he had when they brought him in. He wasn't going to
be happy to find himself clothed in another hospital gown though.

She reached up and brushed the hair away from his forehead. His fever was
still there, but he wasn't as warm as he had been. She slid her hand down
and touched his beard stubble. He definitely needed a shave.

She stepped back and pulled the recliner closer to the bed. It made a
piercing squeak, but Mulder didn't even flinch. She lay down and covered
herself with the blanket, but reached up and held Mulder's hand. She fell
asleep almost instantly listening to Mulder snore softly.